Let them eat mold!

People like me are the exact reason I decided not to become an R.D. I did not want to spend my days encouraging, begging, demanding that people follow a certain diet or restrict certain food/drinks, etc., because many people just love their food.


I may have mentioned that I tested positive for mold allergy; I went to the allergist wondering if I had a wheat allergy, because I would literally not be able to stay awake after eating bread. Turns out, mold/yeast/fermented foods are the culprit. At the time, the allergist said, "If you want to keep eating moldy food, I can give you shots ..." and I was like, no that's okay. I can live without the things you have on your list to avoid. 


What I discovered is that there are lots of moldy foods out there that really don't bother people without a sensitivity or allergy. Like grapes ... I never knew that the powdery stuff on grape skin is mold. I never knew that tea is moldy, though I knew it made me sickish to drink it. Fermented/cultured foods include things like soy sauce, vinegar, yogurt, sour dough, buttermilk, etc. Moldy foods include certain cheeses.


So, I went on my merry way, not really having much reaction other than the occasional sick to my stomach feeling or having to fall asleep on the couch after eating something like pizza.


Well, a few weeks ago, I ate some delicious grapes at work, and within five minutes, my tongue felt electric, and my face was hot, and my lips were tingling. I mentioned it to a coworker, and she said that it was an allergic reaction. That's when I remembered my beloved grapes were on the moldy list.


The following day I ate a banana. I've been known to get very sleepy after eating overripe fruit, but this was a perfectly ripe banana. Or so I thought. Within minutes, again, tingling and flush. What the heck?


So, I did some research on food mold allergy. The list I found of foods to avoid is staggering. Ready for this?

Mold allergy:

• Cheese
• Mushrooms
• Foods made with yeast (pizza dough, bread, etc.)
• Sour cream
• Buttermilk
• Beer, wine, liquor
• Potatoes
• Soy Sauce
• Vinegar and foods containing vinegar, such as salad dressing, ketchup, mustard and pickles
• Sauerkraut
• Nuts
• Pickled or smoked meats and fish
• Dried fruits (apricots, figs, raisins)
• Raw vegetables
• Raw fruits, particularly blackberries, blueberries, grapes, strawberries
• Aged meats: Hot dogs, sausages
• Canned fruits
• Canned or bottled juices
• Cider
• Citric acid
• Barley malt
• MSG
• Ginger ale, root beer
• Jams/jellies
• Lactic acid
• Malt
• Black tea
• Malted barley flour
• Olives
• Peanuts and peanut products
• Preserved or pickled foods
• Yeast extract
• Mayonnaise
• Horseradish
• Worcestershire sauce
• Melons, particularly cantaloupes
• Oranges
• Cream cheese
• Ricotta cheese
• Ice cream
• Milk

What the? What's left?

So, I've had this goal of avoiding anything moldly or fermented or whatever so I can test out this tingling tongue thing. But I never do it. It's that old thing of as soon as you can't have it, you want it more.

Actually, I don't want it MORE. I just want what I want when I want it. I don't want to be restricted. I'm not even talking about overeating or emotional eating. Or dieting to lose weight. I just mean every day eating.

I was watching a show on Food Network the other day, and Alex Guarnaschelli was on it talking about a sandwich she loved, and I was actually pissed off at her for being able to eat whatever she wanted.

I've been in pure rebellion mode this week. I've eaten cheese, ketchup, bread, buns, mayonnaise, ice cream, hotdogs, sausage ... you name it. I ate raw apples and bananas, but didn't buy grapes - the reaction I had was just too uncomfortable. And all week long, I've been tingling and flushed. It's annoying. 

I did restart my anxiety med (Cymbalta), which for me acts as an appetite killer. I was simply hoping that it would help me with any hidden general anxiety that leads me to emotionally eat. I must say, it really cut down my eating in general, made me more in tune to being full. I stopped eating after half a sandwich! I left almost an entire serving of fries on my plate! I took three bites of a dessert and left the rest behind! I had a bag of peanut M&Ms in my desk for over a week! Who am I? What I like about it is it just made me feel normal.

This week, I'm dealing with pre-menstrual cravings. Never fails, each month, I have this day where I'm like, "Why the hell do I feel like pouring the entire sugar bowl down my throat?" One look at the calendar reminds me. (And those M&Ms I mentioned earlier? Gone.)

But seriously, I do want to talk to the doctor about these reactions, but I want to walk in and say, I've avoided this or that and this is what happened. If I go in now, won't he just say, "Avoid those foods and see what happens?" I just need to buckle down and make a list of what I CAN eat, and try to stick with it. Because really, it is annoying having my mouth feel electric and my face be red and warm all the time. I fear, since coffee grounds can get moldy, that I'll need to give up my beloved coffee AGAIN!!! Wah!

Wish me luck.

Overcoming battles ... most of the time

I've had an interesting few days. Let's see ...

1) One evening, I had my usual cereal craving after the kids went to bed. It was gnawing and gnawing at me, driving me nuts. Lately, my "thing" is all about small, significant steps, and what I can do to make each snack or meal just a little bit better for me. So, I think, "Okay, how about if I just eat half a bowl? I'll conquer the craving, but not do as much damage."

So, I get my half a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch, which I can't eat in the morning because most flake cereals have malt in them, which puts me to sleep (plus, now that I've see the sugar content of RBC, I will be forgoing it from how on due to the reflux.). I pour half a bowl, pour the milk and eat.

And can I tell you that I was satisfied? That giving in a little bit did the trick and I was completely free from any craving for the rest of the night?

No, I can't tell you that. Because I wasn't. And it didn't. And I had the other half about 60 seconds after finishing the first half.

2) I had a TOTAL binge-like craving last night. Huge carb craving.

I realized that the cats were out of food and wouldn't have any for the morning, so I made a run to the store at around 10 p.m.

I get the cat food, then I think, "Little Debbies" in that zoned-out Homer Simpson-like way. I decide I'm going to give in to this craving, skinny jeans be damned - I need sugar and fat! So, I casually wander over to the Little Debbies shelf, and just as I'm beginning to look, a woman comes around the corner, all trim and athletic, wearing shorts and a T-shirt, and I keep on walking, like "No, I'm not a fat woman who was just drooling over the variety of treats on this shelf."

I wander aimlessly in the produce section, like I'm really looking for something, and figure she's probably cleared out, and head back to Little Debbie land.

Nope, she's still hanging around. So, I decide I might as well pick up a gallon of milk since we go through it so quickly. I pick up the milk and head BACK to the Little Debbies (is it Little or Li'l?) and she's standing around the corner from them! So, I give up. I'm not picking up and carrying around a box of Swiss Cake Rolls in front of this woman.

I felt good that I hadn't actually gone through with it. And the whole situation reminded me of the passages in the Bible that talk about how God never lets us be tempted beyond what we can bear, and he always provides a way out. You know what I'm thinking? That woman was my way out. She kept hanging around right in that area, even though I went back THREE TIMES. So, thank you, Lord. (Maybe she was checking them out herself.)

3) I was listening to one of my audio books today, and in it a character who had just begun writing a book states that she's discovered the one thing about writing that other people who say they want to write but never get around to doing it or who start writing and never finish don't have. I sat up straighter in the car and listened closely, given that I'm one of the latter people. And there's a dramatic pause in the CD, and the narrator says ...

"Discipline."

Oh, ugh, not THAT. Yes, I already know I lack discipline. Hence the unfinished manuscript and the smaller jeans sitting up high on a shelf in my closet. 

I've come to realize (you ever notice how much "realizing" I do on this blog?) that I have these two big desires battling it out with each other: wanting to lose weight and wanting to finish my manuscript, two things I have complete control over. I have a third big desire, which is to be a stay-at-home mom again, but that one isn't as quite in my control as I'd like. These things produce a lot of anxiety in me, a constant sense of urgency, a feeling that I just can't catch up in life. For an emotional eater, those things are HUGE (pardon the pun).

If I tend to eat because I'm not quite satisfied with how life is going at the moment, or to calm my anxiety, or to comfort myself when I feel overwhelmed ... well, that's my life right now. At any given moment, I'm feeling one of those things.

Hence my carb cravings. Carbs are calming. And giving me a big butt. Which is alarming.

I tend to have an anxiety issue anyway, and had started an Rx for it earlier in the year, but went off it, basically because I could never remember to take it (did I mention I have a problem with discipline?) and it's pretty expensive. Now, I'm thinking, if I could get a little help with this hum of anxiety I'm always living with, maybe I can get a better handle on eating, as well as on discipline in other areas. So, I started taking it today.

4) I caught a sideways view of myself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom at work and was HORRIFIED. I can't believe someone was able to put a watermelon in the back of my pants without me realizing it.

5) My co-worker popped her head into my office this morning to let me know that she had brought a cake in and it was sitting on the back table. I told her thanks, and never went back to the back table.

6) I spent about 10 minutes at work today finding exercises I could do while trapped at a desk in front of a computer and actually did some.

So, good and not so good. But I'm learning ... all the time, learning.

The end of an era?

Hope everyone (all three of my followers) had a great 4th!

Got back from a family vacation late Friday afternoon, and I've been milking the "I'm on vacation" excuse for everything all weekend, from ignoring housework and indulging in a book to eating lots of treats.

Now, Monday looms and it's back to business.

The week before vacation, I started (again) a daily dosage of omeprazole for gastric reflux. I had been having horrible pains in my chest (an endoscopy a few years ago revealed an esophageal hernia) and I noticed I had a sore throat and raspy voice - from acid, I wondered. So, I got back on the Rx. I stopped taking it earlier in the year because I got really bloated and gained some weight after previously losing almost 10 pounds. Vanity. It's a pain in the chest.

So, I started taking the drug again - then, I was so nauseated and I felt bloated after eating and I was tired and just generally felt unwell. I looked up symptoms for bloating and found an article that just happened to casually mention bloating as a symptom for ovarian cancer. So, my anxiety-riddled brain freaked out because I looked up the symptoms for o. cancer and I had so many of them:

• Bloating
• Difficulty eating or feeling full quickly
• Pelvic or abdominal pain
• Abnormal menstrual cycles
• Digestive symptoms: Constipation, increased gas, indigestion, lack of appetite, nausea and vomiting
• Sense of pelvic heaviness
• Swollen abdomen or belly
• Unexplained back pain that worsens over time
• Vaginal bleeding
• Vague lower abdominal discomfort'
• Weight gain or loss
• Source: http://www.healthline.com/adamcontent/ovarian-cancer?marinid=s2kwS7NFl#ixzz1RlbixYgA

I went through a little freak out before common sense knocked on my head and called out, "Is anyone home?" When I looked up side effects of omeprazole, many of the same digestive symptoms came up, which was what was bothering me the most. I mean really - I start taking a Rx and that's the same week I suddenly have ovarian cancer?

I really need to stop Googling stuff like that.

Anyway, I was so sick, but thought I'd stick with it, maybe the symptoms would ease up after awhile. But then on vacation, I was afraid to take it, because who wants to be bloated and nauseated on vacation?

I stopped taking the acid reducer (my poor body doesn't know if it's coming or going), but I noticed that in the mornings, I was still so very nauseated. Okay, this isn't the part of the post where I announce a surprise pregnancy. Because wouldn't that be a kick in the pants. No ... I put two and two together and wondered if it was my beloved morning coffee that was making me so sick.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my morning coffee. No matter what my day looks like, that first sip of coffee in the morning is THE BEST. I've had coffee in the morning every day for probably about the last 25 years, save for my pregnancies. I had cut back quite a bit in the past five or so years, from drinking it all day to only having two cups in the morning, maybe one later in the day.

On Friday I decided to forgo my coffee. I had a killer caffeine withdrawal headache, but I felt okay otherwise. Saturday and Sunday, again, no coffee, and I felt pretty good, not even much of a headache.

Of course, I've overeaten, though I'm not sure if it was my vacation state of mind or compensation for not having coffee. I also felt SO tired, both days falling asleep on the couch for about 1/2 hour in the late morning. Was that no caffeine or was that too many carbs? Not sure.

I indulged in some ice cream tonight, and right now I'm having that chest pain. That's either my beloved carbs/sugar or I need to get back on the meds.

My point is (Hurray! She's gotten to a point!) maybe all my disordered eating is why I'm suffering now from these types of things. Maybe bombarding my systems with too much food or too much sugar have just thrown everything out of whack. I'm in my 40s now, so there's about 30 years of eating havoc I've wreaked on my body, mixtures of starvation, binging, purging, overeating, sensible and healthful eating ...

How depressing ... 30 years, and the majority of it not "sensible and healthful."

This is normally the time I'd begin being mean to myself and scolding myself ... "See? Physical problems. Is that enough to make you want to eat right? You've got to stop being such a glutton. You're probably killing yourself; is that what you want? Fine example for your kiddos."

<sigh> But I'm not going to do that. I'll wake up tomorrow (eek! in less than six hours), forgo coffee, start my acid reducer again, and eat "right." Smaller portions. No desserts. See how I feel.