Let them eat mold!

People like me are the exact reason I decided not to become an R.D. I did not want to spend my days encouraging, begging, demanding that people follow a certain diet or restrict certain food/drinks, etc., because many people just love their food.


I may have mentioned that I tested positive for mold allergy; I went to the allergist wondering if I had a wheat allergy, because I would literally not be able to stay awake after eating bread. Turns out, mold/yeast/fermented foods are the culprit. At the time, the allergist said, "If you want to keep eating moldy food, I can give you shots ..." and I was like, no that's okay. I can live without the things you have on your list to avoid. 


What I discovered is that there are lots of moldy foods out there that really don't bother people without a sensitivity or allergy. Like grapes ... I never knew that the powdery stuff on grape skin is mold. I never knew that tea is moldy, though I knew it made me sickish to drink it. Fermented/cultured foods include things like soy sauce, vinegar, yogurt, sour dough, buttermilk, etc. Moldy foods include certain cheeses.


So, I went on my merry way, not really having much reaction other than the occasional sick to my stomach feeling or having to fall asleep on the couch after eating something like pizza.


Well, a few weeks ago, I ate some delicious grapes at work, and within five minutes, my tongue felt electric, and my face was hot, and my lips were tingling. I mentioned it to a coworker, and she said that it was an allergic reaction. That's when I remembered my beloved grapes were on the moldy list.


The following day I ate a banana. I've been known to get very sleepy after eating overripe fruit, but this was a perfectly ripe banana. Or so I thought. Within minutes, again, tingling and flush. What the heck?


So, I did some research on food mold allergy. The list I found of foods to avoid is staggering. Ready for this?

Mold allergy:

• Cheese
• Mushrooms
• Foods made with yeast (pizza dough, bread, etc.)
• Sour cream
• Buttermilk
• Beer, wine, liquor
• Potatoes
• Soy Sauce
• Vinegar and foods containing vinegar, such as salad dressing, ketchup, mustard and pickles
• Sauerkraut
• Nuts
• Pickled or smoked meats and fish
• Dried fruits (apricots, figs, raisins)
• Raw vegetables
• Raw fruits, particularly blackberries, blueberries, grapes, strawberries
• Aged meats: Hot dogs, sausages
• Canned fruits
• Canned or bottled juices
• Cider
• Citric acid
• Barley malt
• MSG
• Ginger ale, root beer
• Jams/jellies
• Lactic acid
• Malt
• Black tea
• Malted barley flour
• Olives
• Peanuts and peanut products
• Preserved or pickled foods
• Yeast extract
• Mayonnaise
• Horseradish
• Worcestershire sauce
• Melons, particularly cantaloupes
• Oranges
• Cream cheese
• Ricotta cheese
• Ice cream
• Milk

What the? What's left?

So, I've had this goal of avoiding anything moldly or fermented or whatever so I can test out this tingling tongue thing. But I never do it. It's that old thing of as soon as you can't have it, you want it more.

Actually, I don't want it MORE. I just want what I want when I want it. I don't want to be restricted. I'm not even talking about overeating or emotional eating. Or dieting to lose weight. I just mean every day eating.

I was watching a show on Food Network the other day, and Alex Guarnaschelli was on it talking about a sandwich she loved, and I was actually pissed off at her for being able to eat whatever she wanted.

I've been in pure rebellion mode this week. I've eaten cheese, ketchup, bread, buns, mayonnaise, ice cream, hotdogs, sausage ... you name it. I ate raw apples and bananas, but didn't buy grapes - the reaction I had was just too uncomfortable. And all week long, I've been tingling and flushed. It's annoying. 

I did restart my anxiety med (Cymbalta), which for me acts as an appetite killer. I was simply hoping that it would help me with any hidden general anxiety that leads me to emotionally eat. I must say, it really cut down my eating in general, made me more in tune to being full. I stopped eating after half a sandwich! I left almost an entire serving of fries on my plate! I took three bites of a dessert and left the rest behind! I had a bag of peanut M&Ms in my desk for over a week! Who am I? What I like about it is it just made me feel normal.

This week, I'm dealing with pre-menstrual cravings. Never fails, each month, I have this day where I'm like, "Why the hell do I feel like pouring the entire sugar bowl down my throat?" One look at the calendar reminds me. (And those M&Ms I mentioned earlier? Gone.)

But seriously, I do want to talk to the doctor about these reactions, but I want to walk in and say, I've avoided this or that and this is what happened. If I go in now, won't he just say, "Avoid those foods and see what happens?" I just need to buckle down and make a list of what I CAN eat, and try to stick with it. Because really, it is annoying having my mouth feel electric and my face be red and warm all the time. I fear, since coffee grounds can get moldy, that I'll need to give up my beloved coffee AGAIN!!! Wah!

Wish me luck.

Surgery: results, consequences and reality

Well ... how about that.

What I was absolutely certain was causing my pain and discomfort isn't. 

It's rather strange to hear that nothing is wrong and feel disappointed and confused. But after awhile, I thwapped myself on the forehead and said, "You idiot. You're healthy. No more surgeries. No scary bad news. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Obviously, I'm glad that there's nothing wrong. The disappointment came because I thought I finally had answers with a definitive treatment on the horizon.

The possible new diagnosis is IBS. After reading up about it, the symptoms make sense. And some symptoms were similar to endometriosis, which is what my doc and I thought we were up against. Since my symptoms got so much worse just before and during "that time of the month," I assumed it was all gyn related.

But now I realize - duh - I crave sweets and fattening treats during that time, so possibly my symptoms were worse because I was indulging in (such a nice way of saying "pigging out on") those types of foods.

I still need to read more about IBS ... from what I've read so far, some experts think this, some think that. Is it really what you eat that triggers problems? Or is it a dysfunction of the intestines? Or is it hormonal? One of my coworkers mentioned a link to fibromyalgia, which I have, so is it all a misfiring of nerves in the muscle? It's all very frustrating. And throwing my mold allergy into the mix ... I enjoyed grapes for an afternoon snack today, and spent the rest of my workday completely flushed - an allergic reaction. Did you know that grapes are very moldy? And I'd better have a bed or at the very least a couch nearby if I decide to eat bread. Snoozeville.

So, I spent a couple days whining and complaining to my good friend SETD'A (how do you like those intials?) and my mom ... but now I'm like, "Shut the H-E-double-hockey-sticks up." If the worse thing that happens to me is I get some cramping and diarrhea after eating certain foods or during certain days, or if I have to avoid certain foods because I have MINOR allergic discomfort, then I need to count myself among the truly blessed.

The lazy-ass part of me doesn't want to have to do all the work to figure out what I can eat and what I can't. The immature, compulsive side of me that is addicted to food wants to eat what I want when I want - consequences be damned.

But, obviously, you can't abuse your body and expect it to continue to work at 100%. Whether it's food, drugs, alcohol, over-exercising, overworking ... something's gonna give.

So ... I'm back where I started. Trying to eat right, overcome overeating, make healthy food choices. Listen to my body, and respect what it needs and what it's telling me.

Overcoming battles ... most of the time

I've had an interesting few days. Let's see ...

1) One evening, I had my usual cereal craving after the kids went to bed. It was gnawing and gnawing at me, driving me nuts. Lately, my "thing" is all about small, significant steps, and what I can do to make each snack or meal just a little bit better for me. So, I think, "Okay, how about if I just eat half a bowl? I'll conquer the craving, but not do as much damage."

So, I get my half a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch, which I can't eat in the morning because most flake cereals have malt in them, which puts me to sleep (plus, now that I've see the sugar content of RBC, I will be forgoing it from how on due to the reflux.). I pour half a bowl, pour the milk and eat.

And can I tell you that I was satisfied? That giving in a little bit did the trick and I was completely free from any craving for the rest of the night?

No, I can't tell you that. Because I wasn't. And it didn't. And I had the other half about 60 seconds after finishing the first half.

2) I had a TOTAL binge-like craving last night. Huge carb craving.

I realized that the cats were out of food and wouldn't have any for the morning, so I made a run to the store at around 10 p.m.

I get the cat food, then I think, "Little Debbies" in that zoned-out Homer Simpson-like way. I decide I'm going to give in to this craving, skinny jeans be damned - I need sugar and fat! So, I casually wander over to the Little Debbies shelf, and just as I'm beginning to look, a woman comes around the corner, all trim and athletic, wearing shorts and a T-shirt, and I keep on walking, like "No, I'm not a fat woman who was just drooling over the variety of treats on this shelf."

I wander aimlessly in the produce section, like I'm really looking for something, and figure she's probably cleared out, and head back to Little Debbie land.

Nope, she's still hanging around. So, I decide I might as well pick up a gallon of milk since we go through it so quickly. I pick up the milk and head BACK to the Little Debbies (is it Little or Li'l?) and she's standing around the corner from them! So, I give up. I'm not picking up and carrying around a box of Swiss Cake Rolls in front of this woman.

I felt good that I hadn't actually gone through with it. And the whole situation reminded me of the passages in the Bible that talk about how God never lets us be tempted beyond what we can bear, and he always provides a way out. You know what I'm thinking? That woman was my way out. She kept hanging around right in that area, even though I went back THREE TIMES. So, thank you, Lord. (Maybe she was checking them out herself.)

3) I was listening to one of my audio books today, and in it a character who had just begun writing a book states that she's discovered the one thing about writing that other people who say they want to write but never get around to doing it or who start writing and never finish don't have. I sat up straighter in the car and listened closely, given that I'm one of the latter people. And there's a dramatic pause in the CD, and the narrator says ...

"Discipline."

Oh, ugh, not THAT. Yes, I already know I lack discipline. Hence the unfinished manuscript and the smaller jeans sitting up high on a shelf in my closet. 

I've come to realize (you ever notice how much "realizing" I do on this blog?) that I have these two big desires battling it out with each other: wanting to lose weight and wanting to finish my manuscript, two things I have complete control over. I have a third big desire, which is to be a stay-at-home mom again, but that one isn't as quite in my control as I'd like. These things produce a lot of anxiety in me, a constant sense of urgency, a feeling that I just can't catch up in life. For an emotional eater, those things are HUGE (pardon the pun).

If I tend to eat because I'm not quite satisfied with how life is going at the moment, or to calm my anxiety, or to comfort myself when I feel overwhelmed ... well, that's my life right now. At any given moment, I'm feeling one of those things.

Hence my carb cravings. Carbs are calming. And giving me a big butt. Which is alarming.

I tend to have an anxiety issue anyway, and had started an Rx for it earlier in the year, but went off it, basically because I could never remember to take it (did I mention I have a problem with discipline?) and it's pretty expensive. Now, I'm thinking, if I could get a little help with this hum of anxiety I'm always living with, maybe I can get a better handle on eating, as well as on discipline in other areas. So, I started taking it today.

4) I caught a sideways view of myself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom at work and was HORRIFIED. I can't believe someone was able to put a watermelon in the back of my pants without me realizing it.

5) My co-worker popped her head into my office this morning to let me know that she had brought a cake in and it was sitting on the back table. I told her thanks, and never went back to the back table.

6) I spent about 10 minutes at work today finding exercises I could do while trapped at a desk in front of a computer and actually did some.

So, good and not so good. But I'm learning ... all the time, learning.

Might as well face it, you're addicted to food

(Did I just conjure sleek women with dull expressions and glossy red lips swaying in time to music they are not playing on the instruments they are holding?)

I'm currently in a period of using food for comfort and avoidance. It, in a (crass) word, sucks.

I've been indulging quite a bit with desserts in particular. I'm currently feeling frustrated with certain areas of my life, and rather than allowing myself to feel the frustration and, in turn, allow those feelings to prompt me to action that can possibly make things better, I eat treat after treat.

Makes a whole lot of sense, doesn't it?

The rich, sugary foods make me happy, the full sensation comforts me, and I can forget for a few minutes about things that don't make me happy and that don't comfort me.

Then what happens?

On top of the frustrating situations, I'm now super soft and squishy - just in time for swimsuit season! Talk about frustrating (and a lot of s's in one sentence).

Writing it out like that really helps me see how completely ridiculous it is. And it reminds me of Geneen Roth's book Women, Food and God, or something like that. I'll have to dig up my notes on it and talk more about it later this week.

(Yes, I take notes while I read. You don't?)