The last day ... part 82

The first of the month, any month, has been more often than not a day I would start a diet. Therefore, the day before would become the "last day." The last day I would eat sugar. The last day I would eat fried foods. The last day I would indulge. The last day I would eat carbs.

The fact that tomorrow (well, today, technically, since it's after midnight as I'm writing this) is May 1st was not lost on me today as I grocery shopped. I've been following - excuse me, trying to follow Atkins, since I've always just felt better when I avoided flour. But, as is usually the case, as soon as I cut something out, I want it the most. I actually did very well for about a week. Lots of veggies, yummy meats and cheeses, eggs for breakfast most days. Then, the groceries got low, and my food choices were limited. I got home one night and I was pretty hungry having eaten pretty light all day. I can't remember what I made for dinner that night, but I do remember it included sweet yeast rolls. Yum. And because I was pretty hungry and my defenses were down, I ended up eating one. And so began my rationalization period.

This is the time when I change my mind about how I'm going to eat several times during a day. I'll begin the day so strong. "I'm going to do this. I want to lose weight." And I vow to follow my eating plan. By midday, I'm wavering, but I only slip up a little. By dinner, I'm irritated that I have to follow any kind of eating plan and annoyed at the injustice of it all. After the kids go to bed, I'm scarfing down a big bowl of sugary cereal or ice cream or eating cookies or whatever. I go to bed disappointed in myself, yet certain I'll do better the next day. I consider modifying my initial eating plan, making it a bit less strict. And so it goes.

This afternoon, I bought Lofthouse sugar cookies. Heaven in the form of flour and sugar. Why would someone trying to follow Atkins's two-week Induction buy Lofthouse sugar cookies? Because this has become another "last day."

I've told myself I'm going to start over. I had been following my progress (or lack thereof) on fatsecret.com, even going so far as to join an Induction challenge. I've failed miserably. But, tomorrow's the first, so I can simply erase the past and start again.

AND it's a double whammy. A first of the month AND a Sunday. I mean, c'mon; you start a diet on a Sunday that's also the first of the month, that's serious.