One Day at a Time

As I'm approaching yet another failed weight loss goal date -- and as I realize that I don't think I've ever really met a weight loss goal date -- I recognize that I'm doing this all wrong.

I made a goal in January that I would fit into a particular pair of jeans by June 1. Today is May 31, and I don't fit into those jeans. I mean, I'm an 18 and the jeans are 16, so it's not terrible. No, it is terrible when I say it like that because that means I had six months to drop ONE SIZE and I failed.

Ugh.

I know conventional advice is make a long-term goal, then make a few short-term goals and reward yourself along the way, reevaluate at the halfway point, etc., etc.

That just doesn't work for me. I think that every time I've made a goal to lose X pounds or be a certain size by a certain date, I don't accomplish it. I need to figure out why that is. I know I'm one of the world's greatest rationalizers, so I'll inevitably make excuses for why I can eat a certain treat or slack off on a workout - because I have time before the goal date so I can make up for it by being "extra good" tomorrow or doing a double workout the next day (for the record, I've never done a double workout in my entire life).

In addition, I think I'm way too focused on appearance -- what's jiggling, what's flat, what's bulging, how do I look in this outfit. If I'm going to an event of some type and I feel fat, that peppers the entire event for me and every interaction at the event. I walk in, self-conscious that everyone is noticing how fat I look, including people who've never met me. I talk to someone, and I'm sure he/she is focused on the flab on my arms. I eat something, and I'm certain that everyone around me is critiquing what's on my plate.

First of all, how vain is that? Gag. I need to get a grip and realize that I'm not being noticed anywhere near as often or as much as I think (or worry) I am. Sure, there may be people who look at me and think briefly that I'm overweight, but it's the truth, so ... what?

Second of all,  by keeping my focus inward, I'm totally missing out on the enjoyment of the event, the people I'm seeing, the fun of the day.

I need to drop the whole goal date thing and simply get through one day at a time, maybe even one meal at a time. One thing I remember from OA is the principle that I can do anything for 24 hours that would seem impossible to maintain over a long period of time.

No more diets, no more calorie or carb counting, no more obsessive weighing in. I'm not a label in a pair of jeans or a number on a scale. I'm looking forward to simply having a healthy relationship with food and relying on God's strength each day.