The end of an era?

Hope everyone (all three of my followers) had a great 4th!

Got back from a family vacation late Friday afternoon, and I've been milking the "I'm on vacation" excuse for everything all weekend, from ignoring housework and indulging in a book to eating lots of treats.

Now, Monday looms and it's back to business.

The week before vacation, I started (again) a daily dosage of omeprazole for gastric reflux. I had been having horrible pains in my chest (an endoscopy a few years ago revealed an esophageal hernia) and I noticed I had a sore throat and raspy voice - from acid, I wondered. So, I got back on the Rx. I stopped taking it earlier in the year because I got really bloated and gained some weight after previously losing almost 10 pounds. Vanity. It's a pain in the chest.

So, I started taking the drug again - then, I was so nauseated and I felt bloated after eating and I was tired and just generally felt unwell. I looked up symptoms for bloating and found an article that just happened to casually mention bloating as a symptom for ovarian cancer. So, my anxiety-riddled brain freaked out because I looked up the symptoms for o. cancer and I had so many of them:

• Bloating
• Difficulty eating or feeling full quickly
• Pelvic or abdominal pain
• Abnormal menstrual cycles
• Digestive symptoms: Constipation, increased gas, indigestion, lack of appetite, nausea and vomiting
• Sense of pelvic heaviness
• Swollen abdomen or belly
• Unexplained back pain that worsens over time
• Vaginal bleeding
• Vague lower abdominal discomfort'
• Weight gain or loss
• Source: http://www.healthline.com/adamcontent/ovarian-cancer?marinid=s2kwS7NFl#ixzz1RlbixYgA

I went through a little freak out before common sense knocked on my head and called out, "Is anyone home?" When I looked up side effects of omeprazole, many of the same digestive symptoms came up, which was what was bothering me the most. I mean really - I start taking a Rx and that's the same week I suddenly have ovarian cancer?

I really need to stop Googling stuff like that.

Anyway, I was so sick, but thought I'd stick with it, maybe the symptoms would ease up after awhile. But then on vacation, I was afraid to take it, because who wants to be bloated and nauseated on vacation?

I stopped taking the acid reducer (my poor body doesn't know if it's coming or going), but I noticed that in the mornings, I was still so very nauseated. Okay, this isn't the part of the post where I announce a surprise pregnancy. Because wouldn't that be a kick in the pants. No ... I put two and two together and wondered if it was my beloved morning coffee that was making me so sick.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my morning coffee. No matter what my day looks like, that first sip of coffee in the morning is THE BEST. I've had coffee in the morning every day for probably about the last 25 years, save for my pregnancies. I had cut back quite a bit in the past five or so years, from drinking it all day to only having two cups in the morning, maybe one later in the day.

On Friday I decided to forgo my coffee. I had a killer caffeine withdrawal headache, but I felt okay otherwise. Saturday and Sunday, again, no coffee, and I felt pretty good, not even much of a headache.

Of course, I've overeaten, though I'm not sure if it was my vacation state of mind or compensation for not having coffee. I also felt SO tired, both days falling asleep on the couch for about 1/2 hour in the late morning. Was that no caffeine or was that too many carbs? Not sure.

I indulged in some ice cream tonight, and right now I'm having that chest pain. That's either my beloved carbs/sugar or I need to get back on the meds.

My point is (Hurray! She's gotten to a point!) maybe all my disordered eating is why I'm suffering now from these types of things. Maybe bombarding my systems with too much food or too much sugar have just thrown everything out of whack. I'm in my 40s now, so there's about 30 years of eating havoc I've wreaked on my body, mixtures of starvation, binging, purging, overeating, sensible and healthful eating ...

How depressing ... 30 years, and the majority of it not "sensible and healthful."

This is normally the time I'd begin being mean to myself and scolding myself ... "See? Physical problems. Is that enough to make you want to eat right? You've got to stop being such a glutton. You're probably killing yourself; is that what you want? Fine example for your kiddos."

<sigh> But I'm not going to do that. I'll wake up tomorrow (eek! in less than six hours), forgo coffee, start my acid reducer again, and eat "right." Smaller portions. No desserts. See how I feel.