Small successes

My new "one day at a time" philosophy has been working.

Tuesday night, as I was showering and getting ready for bed, I remembered that there were leftover pancakes in the fridge. I love pancakes, so when I also remembered we had fresh blueberries to put on top of them, I was extra excited.

Then I thought, I'm not really hungry for pancakes, or for anything for that matter. I'm just right.

But, of course, the rationalizing voice in my head whined, "But I waaaant them."

I almost gave in, but I scolded myself about the fact that I want to have a healthy relationship with food and that I've been talking about using God's strength to get me through temptation, and this was the perfect opportunity to do just that - am I'm going to be obstinate and willful instead? Just for pancakes? Ridiculous!

So, no pancakes. I went to the living room and got out my laptop and worked on my manuscript, and after about 45 minutes I realized that I hadn't even thought about the pancakes the entire time I was working. Thanks, God.

At work yesterday, I was very mindful of my hunger and fullness. I was enjoying some oatmeal at about 10 a.m., and though there was about 1/4 of a bowl left, I realized I was full. So, I decided to take one last bite and made sure it was a yummy one with lots of cinnamon. I was proud of the fact that I realized my fullness and conscoiusly took the last bite; so often I mindlessly eat and eat and then I'm bummed when I get to the end because I hadn't even been paying attention to the food.

I ate lunch around 2, and I had an apple on my desk to enjoy as a snack later in the afternoon, but I never ate it. I was pretty hungry when I got home, but I told myself dinner would be ready soon and I would enjoy it all the more if I was actually hungry. I didn't dig into the chip bag while I was cooking.

At dinner, I enjoyed my food the way I like it - baked potato with butter and sour cream, corn on the cob with butter and salt - I simply ate until I was full. Well, almost. I had baked up a pan of yeast rolls, which are SO good, but anyone who knows me knows that I have a mold allergy and things like bread, yogurt, aged cheese ... anything fermented (even over-ripe fruit) can make me feel sickish and/or really, really sleepy. I had enjoyed two of the rolls (they were small, maybe a little bigger than a golf ball), but my downfall was deciding to have just one more. I didn't need it. I was satisfied, but I was lulled by that sweet, doughy taste.

I had already decided on my way home that I was going to walk since it was so beautiful out. As I changed into shorts and sneakers, I felt sick to my stomach. The only thing I can figure is that it was the extra roll. I was quite nauseated, but I determined not to make an excuse to cancel my walk. I also took a longer route, and I was tired and a bit sore at the end of it, but pleased.

This is the way I want to be mindful of food, in a positive, good-for-me way, not in an obsessive, cravings sort of way. I feel good.